Get lost to find yourself

Over the past two weeks I’ve gotten really good at being depressed. I write about it, I talk about it, I live it. I don’t do it on purpose its just what i feel, it oozes out like hot stingy sweat. I feel like I lost everything that makes me happy, of course thats not true, I have a ton to be excited about everyday! I have great friends, good family and an awesome arrogant young man.

So, friends I’m sorry for being that sad beacon, blinking my blue light to lead you down my tear filled river.

We all have relationships and some of us give more emotionally than others. I feel like I did that, I gave so much I gave myself away, I lost myself. Every deep breath reminds me that my heart is empty, I need a fill up. Where does one person go to refill? The answer is different for everyone so I reminded myself of what made me happy when I was younger.. Nature, I love animals, plants, adventure, and solitude. A few days ago a guy came to my work and told  me about some trails in the Highland Cemetery, we talked for an hour about this hidden little nature reserve. It’s tucked back in the very back of the cemetery and it is AWESOME, I was like a kid in a candy store. My first encounter with trail walking in a long time was amazing, the trees were tall and covered me from the direct sun, chirps of the nickel sized tree frogs were my soundtrack.

Trail head

My plan was to take a couple pictures and get home and take a nap before work, that plan was trashed after the first hour. The spring blooms were overpowering and around every corner lied a new and unusual plant

Duthcman's Breeches (poppy family) poisonous!

Common violet

Minutes turned into hours and before I knew it the hour I planned to spend in the woods turned into 3 hours of hiking and sweating. I found that I hadn’t even thought about my situation and I actually felt good! The more full my memory card got the happier and more fulfilled I became.. Getting lost in the woods really did help me find my own happiness again, I found solitude, not the kind that had me feeling lonely but the kind of selfish type that gets you back to being you.

I found myself on this trail

After years of rushing and pushing through life it was nice to slow down and just listen, listen to nothing. Its hard to find comfort in other peoples words sometimes when you know they have the same complicated skewed views of the world and people as you do. When you get into nature it all changes, the sounds of the tree’s crashing together in the wind, the wild birds singing and showing off their spring plumage for their future mate. I started to forget my problems and think from my roots, from a simpler place, a place that made me thankful for everything! I spent 3 hours not saying a word, not sharing anything, just taking it all in, for once I was taking in more than I was giving. The sights, the sounds, the air and the water, all of it. It really felt like I was getting some of what I lost back again, for the first time my breathing was even, no longer was it a deep breath followed by a sigh. Beauty surrounded me again, the sun was out, and there I found myself… Lost in the woods

Spring house, natural spring.. It filled me up